One
One
Love is a conspiracy, an endless battle for the shrewd, the sly wins, the true remains.It is a game of tug and war, someone asks you to fall and you have not even thought of it. Then you become aware of the thought, then you get enticed, and when you really leap to make a fall, they run away. You are left in mid-air, hoping everything would stand still and the pain would go away. They plead you to hold on, tighter and when you do and get tranquility seeping in, they let go, leaving you hurting, wanting.
The irony of it all is that we are in an apocalypse of recycling, reusing our emotions. Over and over again we feel the same things and always the same emotions. One cannot comprehend the dream from the real, the past from the present, all the heart takes heed of is the moment. The moments which might never come, the moment which may never was, the moments which might just have been an illusion of something we dreamed of.In this labyrinth of transitory heart-beatings, we rely on what we know best, to give and let it all out. But what do you do if you are faced with a wall? You do not even know if it hears, if it listens, if it understands, or if it feels anything. Ahh senses, what misery this glory brings. In a quagmire, one loses, one let’s go. One cannot understand which one is better- to be in a pool of apathy or to be in a love where only one feels? How long must ephemeral emotions be? They say this is just a phase, another stage I have to go through. It will pass, it will pass. But for how long I have to endure it, one can never know. If angels cry for every heart beat, they would be weeping over mine. Mine is dead but hurting. How can the dead be hurting? Only the heart can answer.
The day of reckoning comes when we let go of something we can never live without. We have to sustain and nurture our spirits with the verity of losing what we love the most. For if we keep holding on and not know what we are holding on or why we keep holding on, we will learn the art of taking life for granted and not truly be alive but simply live. A thing which I fear the most.
If time was the beginning of the end, I would choose to start again, leaving another dimension, leaving another life for a better one. For what would my essence be if I were simply to wait till what my heart desires arrives when I know that there is nothing more to something? I must be a fool, a gallant fool, recklessly enjoying something which no longer has meaning.Love exists in the connection between two souls. One feels it to the bones, to the marrows, to the toes. One senses through a glance, sways in every stance. One would always want to dance. Tears weeping, glowing, they used to have meaning but they don’t feel anymore too. They just flow, in the night when there is silence and memories come shimmering like pieces of dreams.
Is love supposed to fade away? Is it why people get married so even when the love is not there the legal bond is there to tie them together till death do they part? Love should be stronger than anything. It should be only bond which ties two people into keeping hold of each other yet letting each other fly away. It should resist all persistence of animosities. It should be languid as anything, it should win every battle. But maybe love takes time, love waits, love prays. But what do you do when love is not there at all?
Love is love. It is there when it is there, not when it is not. One does not have to wait till it grows, because it is not a plant, not a seed, it is an emotion that lingers and allows us to sing. If one must wait till the hair grows gray, you think love will bloom? They say love starts when sex ends. Haha. What a funny idea. Sometimes funny things are real.
The most incorrect statement of all time is that all is fair in love. All is never fair in love. There has to be an imbalance. One always loves the other one much more than one does to the other. But this is not an equation of fairness when summed up. There is always a higher love among two. However, those who love the most must feel the most right? As a sign of gratitude, one feels more yes, one radiates more, but being humans, the other who is loved more always gets the better edge. Not because love is a competition,but because it always feels nice when you are loved.Love is supposed to be a metamorphosis of traits, a merging of two beings, a union of two souls, a complexity of a simply over-used emotion. Not a reflection of strength or weakness or a symbol of one’s feat. Love is love by definition itself.
I was asked, have I ever felt the greatest love? Among men? I replied I don’t know. Aghast with my reply, I didn’t leave them with a longer span of confusion. My reason is, every love I have I consider the greatest the moment I feel it. Not because I am sentimentally tactful but simply because the love I gave away at that particular moment of my love-life was then the grandest at that time. No one can disprove that, not even me. This is by far the truest statement I have said about my emotions. The silence was all I needed to hear as an assured positive reaction to my heart-felt affirmation.
I want my life to be consumed by love no matter how fleeting. It is much better than hatred and exceedingly blissful than apathy. At least in love even if I get hurt, I feel alive. I lose something but I gain so much.
Don’t you like to fall in love sometimes?
18 August 2003 4:15pm a.n.h.
Love is a conspiracy, an endless battle for the shrewd, the sly wins, the true remains.It is a game of tug and war, someone asks you to fall and you have not even thought of it. Then you become aware of the thought, then you get enticed, and when you really leap to make a fall, they run away. You are left in mid-air, hoping everything would stand still and the pain would go away. They plead you to hold on, tighter and when you do and get tranquility seeping in, they let go, leaving you hurting, wanting.
The irony of it all is that we are in an apocalypse of recycling, reusing our emotions. Over and over again we feel the same things and always the same emotions. One cannot comprehend the dream from the real, the past from the present, all the heart takes heed of is the moment. The moments which might never come, the moment which may never was, the moments which might just have been an illusion of something we dreamed of.In this labyrinth of transitory heart-beatings, we rely on what we know best, to give and let it all out. But what do you do if you are faced with a wall? You do not even know if it hears, if it listens, if it understands, or if it feels anything. Ahh senses, what misery this glory brings. In a quagmire, one loses, one let’s go. One cannot understand which one is better- to be in a pool of apathy or to be in a love where only one feels? How long must ephemeral emotions be? They say this is just a phase, another stage I have to go through. It will pass, it will pass. But for how long I have to endure it, one can never know. If angels cry for every heart beat, they would be weeping over mine. Mine is dead but hurting. How can the dead be hurting? Only the heart can answer.
The day of reckoning comes when we let go of something we can never live without. We have to sustain and nurture our spirits with the verity of losing what we love the most. For if we keep holding on and not know what we are holding on or why we keep holding on, we will learn the art of taking life for granted and not truly be alive but simply live. A thing which I fear the most.
If time was the beginning of the end, I would choose to start again, leaving another dimension, leaving another life for a better one. For what would my essence be if I were simply to wait till what my heart desires arrives when I know that there is nothing more to something? I must be a fool, a gallant fool, recklessly enjoying something which no longer has meaning.Love exists in the connection between two souls. One feels it to the bones, to the marrows, to the toes. One senses through a glance, sways in every stance. One would always want to dance. Tears weeping, glowing, they used to have meaning but they don’t feel anymore too. They just flow, in the night when there is silence and memories come shimmering like pieces of dreams.
Is love supposed to fade away? Is it why people get married so even when the love is not there the legal bond is there to tie them together till death do they part? Love should be stronger than anything. It should be only bond which ties two people into keeping hold of each other yet letting each other fly away. It should resist all persistence of animosities. It should be languid as anything, it should win every battle. But maybe love takes time, love waits, love prays. But what do you do when love is not there at all?
Love is love. It is there when it is there, not when it is not. One does not have to wait till it grows, because it is not a plant, not a seed, it is an emotion that lingers and allows us to sing. If one must wait till the hair grows gray, you think love will bloom? They say love starts when sex ends. Haha. What a funny idea. Sometimes funny things are real.
The most incorrect statement of all time is that all is fair in love. All is never fair in love. There has to be an imbalance. One always loves the other one much more than one does to the other. But this is not an equation of fairness when summed up. There is always a higher love among two. However, those who love the most must feel the most right? As a sign of gratitude, one feels more yes, one radiates more, but being humans, the other who is loved more always gets the better edge. Not because love is a competition,but because it always feels nice when you are loved.Love is supposed to be a metamorphosis of traits, a merging of two beings, a union of two souls, a complexity of a simply over-used emotion. Not a reflection of strength or weakness or a symbol of one’s feat. Love is love by definition itself.
I was asked, have I ever felt the greatest love? Among men? I replied I don’t know. Aghast with my reply, I didn’t leave them with a longer span of confusion. My reason is, every love I have I consider the greatest the moment I feel it. Not because I am sentimentally tactful but simply because the love I gave away at that particular moment of my love-life was then the grandest at that time. No one can disprove that, not even me. This is by far the truest statement I have said about my emotions. The silence was all I needed to hear as an assured positive reaction to my heart-felt affirmation.
I want my life to be consumed by love no matter how fleeting. It is much better than hatred and exceedingly blissful than apathy. At least in love even if I get hurt, I feel alive. I lose something but I gain so much.
Don’t you like to fall in love sometimes?
18 August 2003 4:15pm a.n.h.
posted by alfieping | 6:30 AM
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